Just How Much Should Love Hurt? Or, Don't Claim Your Orgasm, Ladies.

Just how much should love hurt? According to Christina Nehring, a lot. And you won't just hurt, you'll suffer. But oh will it be worth it.

In fact, you can expect to feel miserable, alone, on the edge of insanity... all for the plight of love and romance.

And sex? What sex? Nehring argues that the "availiablity" of sex in our age of internet technologies and mass mediated communications makes true love impossible; that romance depends on "other-ness, tension, and reserve." Well, I guess Nehring and I have different definitions of love and romance. It's difficult for me to imagine any deep feelings of companionship and compassion to come out of that blockade that she thinks must be built between partners.

Nehring uses the romance stories of centuries past as her models - Jane Austen, in particular. As a book nerd, I can even somewhat understand Nehring's sense of Romanticism and idealism towards love and romance, but I don't understand why this tortuous angst is required. Yes, love when it is towards an unwilling object, love when it is unreciprocated, is taxing on our emotions and bodies. But those are situations where the rational and self-respecting thing to do is walk away.

Out of all the things that Nehring says about the disintegration of love in our time, the most problematic to me are her sex-negative and even female body-negative opinions, paraphrased in an article by Laura Sessions Step for sexreally.com:

"It is not, for example, 'sex-on-tap,' or 'the relentless emphasis on sexual climax that…has a largely depleting effect on the life of the emotions.' 'When erotic intimacy is available at the tap of a mouse,' she writes, or, indeed, at the amiable request of one’s household partner (“what about a quickie before lunch, dear?”); when magazines nudge us to 'claim' orgasms as we do receipts at the end of our transactions at Starbucks; when Broadway hits like Eve Ensler’s The Vagina Monologues have women hollering the names of their genitals and baking cakes in their shape, then sex has simply become too available.”

Wait... what? Since when does it make sense to link a woman's positive sense of self and body image with bad types of love? And, last time I checked, the Vagina Monologues have been nothing but positive for women all over the globe for over 10 years.

Sessions Stepp goes on, saying:

"Love is also not an equal partnership, in her view. It is the ardor of a college student for her professor, a young man for an older man."

This view on love is troubling. It means that we would be denied real human connection, openness, and comfort. It also would mean elevated levels of depression, partner abuse, and so on. I, for one, do not think that love means despair.

An interesting and maybe even enlightening or liberating exercise that I suggest all our readers do is to take a moment and think about what sex, love and romance mean to you. How do you define them? Do they involve two people? Can't they involve just you? Perhaps they involve more? I urge you to rethink those three vague ideas outside of their social constructions (p.s. this originally was an exercise in Dr. Sekile Nzinga Johnson's Psych of Women class in spring 2009, so I can't take all the credit for it!).

In Prison for Being Pregnant

Since my last post, I've finished Jessica Valenti's Purity Myth, and it was excellent. I've been making connections left and right to lots of stuff going on in the world, and how it relates the issues raised in Valenti's book. I highly recommend it.

One of the current events that has really got me thinking is the case of Quinta Layin Tuleh, a pregnant, HIV-positive woman from the African nation of Cameroon. After being charged with having fake immigration documents, Judge John Woodcock from Maine gave her a longer-than-recommended sentence, purely because she is pregnant and HIV-positive. He cited that this would "protect the public from further crimes of the defendant,” or in other words, keep her from passing HIV on to her unborn child through the regular administration of anti-retroviral drugs.

It's a complex case - Tuleh didn't know she was pregnant or HIV-positive going into this, the administration of anti-retroviral drugs is something I know very little about, and that this sets a potentially dangerous precedent that it's ok to send someone to jail for being sick and pregnant. In a nutshell. There's a lot more to read on the case: this post at feministing.com, this report from rhrealitycheck.org, and this article from the Bangor Daily News, among many others.

In The Purity Myth, Valenti explores certain laws and practices that are in place because of the notion that women don't know what's best for them. The best example I can think of might be certain states requiring women to get sonograms before undergoing an abortion - doctors think women don't know there's a fetus inside them? It's based on this idea that women are frivolous and careless (hysterical!) and that they need the paternal guidance of lawmakers in order to know them what's best for them. To have a white, American judge, making decisions for this pregnant, sick, African women is exactly what Valenti is talking about.

Apparently, Tuleh had arrangements made to get anti-retroviral drugs (to try to ensure that HIV isn't passed down to her unborn child), but that wasn't enough to convince this judge she could handle the situation without his help. Also, it seems ridiculous that a judge can't just mandate a woman to get on Medicaid, or assign a nurse to make sure she takes the pills every day - how could being in JAIL really be the best option for this woman?

I'll leave you with a quote from Jess McCabe over at thefword,

Obviously, this doesn’t reflect well on the immigration system in the US, and there’s clearly a major problem if healthcare in prison is better than that available for people who are only criminals by virtue of having the audacity to try and move freely in a world that values people differently depending on where they’re born.

Related Reading: Doctor's deny tubal ligation because woman is "too young."

Late Abortion Services Will Return to Kansas

Not long after the tragic murder of abortion provider Dr. George Tiller, his family announced that they had decided to not reopen his clinic. The decision is entirely understandable considering the horrifying circumstances, and the many years that they have personally dealt with anti-choice harassment, intimidation and violence. It was, however, also a major blow to abortion access, as Dr. Tiller's clinic was one of only a few dozen clinics that provided late abortions in the United States, and one of only three that provided abortions for health reasons and fetal anomaly that late.

Thankfully, however, a provider has since stepped forward to take Dr. Tiller's place, and ensure that women's access to dire medical care does not become more limited. Dr. LeRoy Carhart, who has provided abortions for over 20 years and was a friend of Dr. Tiller's, has announced that he will begin performing late abortions in Kansas:

A Nebraska doctor said Wednesday that he will perform third-term abortions in Kansas after the slaying of abortion provider George Tiller, but would not say whether he will open a new facility or offer the procedure at an existing practice.

Dr. LeRoy Carhart declined to discuss his plans in detail during a telephone interview with The Associated Press, but insisted "there will be a place in Kansas for the later second- and the medically indicated third-trimester patients very soon."

"I just think that until everything is in place, it's something that doesn't need to be talked about" in detail, Carhart said a day after Tiller's family announced his Wichita clinic was permanently shutting its doors.

Whatever Dr. Carhart's full plans for providing late abortion services in Kansas look like, there is no doubt that he has just stepped in to do a brave and necessary thing. Thank you, Dr. Carhart, for your dedication to women's health, belief in reproductive justice, and willingness to stand up where you are needed!

Understanding Late Term Abortions

In light of the murder of Dr. George Tiller there has been much media attention surrounding his work and the type of person he was. Unfortunately there has been a lack of information on what actually constitutes Late Term Abortion; this in turn has left the issue open to interpretation for people whom are uneducated on the procedure. I think it is important to fully understand the issue before speculations arise. The Republican Majority for Choice is an organization which supports principles of the Republican Party in regards to limited government and personal freedom. They have posted a blog outlining the "truth of late term abortions" that we believe would be vital for any audience to read so that they may become more informed on the inspiring work that Dr.Tiller performed.

WE need YOUR help!

Planned Parenthood of the Rochester/Syracuse Region wants to learn more about YOU and how you use Social Networking Sites. We would really appreciate it if all of you took a few minutes to fill out our survey. It's fun and SUPER easy. We hope this survey will give us a better idea of how you prefer to be communicated with. THANK YOU SO MUCH, your participation is greatly appreciated!

June Declared National LGBTQ Pride Month

Sexuality and Gender are fundamental parts of who we are, because of the issue's immense importance to our society it seems obvious why President Barack Obama declared the month of June as LGBTQ Pride Month.

"NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim June 2009 as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month. I call upon the people of the United States to turn back discrimination and prejudice everywhere it exists."

The words of Barack Obama resonate with people all around the world who find hope and inspiration from LGBTQ progression throughout history.

"Forty years ago, patrons and supporters of the Stonewall Inn in New York City resisted police harassment that had become all too common for members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community. Out of this resistance, the LGBT rights movement in America was born. During LGBT Pride Month, we commemorate the events of June 1969 and commit to achieving equal justice under law for LGBT Americans," recalls the President.

Each of us has a gender and gender identity. Our gender identity is our deepest feelings about our gender. We express our gender identity in the way that we act masculine, feminine, neither, or both. Some of us are transgender — which means that our biological sex and our gender identity do not match up. Each of us also has a sexual orientation. You may be bisexual, gay, lesbian or straight. Or you may be “questioning” — unsure about your sexual orientation.

It is important to note that no matter what you identify with President Obama plans to ensure your safety and comfort, "The LGBT rights movement has achieved great progress, but there is more work to be done. LGBT youth should feel safe to learn without the fear of harassment, and LGBT families and seniors should be allowed to live their lives with dignity and respect" proclaims Obama.

The more you understand biological sex, gender, gender identity, and sexual orientation, the more you may understand yourself and how you relate to other people. Because sex and gender are so complex, you may have many questions. You may wonder about your own sexual orientation or gender identity, or you may wonder about someone you know. You may have questions about how society views sex and gender — including homophobia, sexism, and transphobia. Remember that staff at your local Planned Parenthood Health Center can talk with you and help you find the information and resources that you need.

The Tragic Loss of a Friend

The tragic death of Dr. George Tiller, a Kansas-based abortion provider, yesterday has sent waves of shock and sadness throughout the women’s health community.

Cecile Richards, President of the Planned Parenthood Federation of America, issued a statement on Sunday addressing the tragedy. “The entire Planned Parenthood family is deeply saddened by the murder of Dr. George Tiller. While he was not a Planned Parenthood provider, he was an integral part of our community and his loss is felt by all of us”, said Richards. “Our thoughts and prayers go out to his family and those close to him who are suffering a personal tragedy.”

For decades Dr.Tiller provided critical reproductive health care services, including abortion services to women facing some of the most difficult medical circumstances. He was continually harassed by abortion opponents for much of his career - his clinic was burned down, he was shot by a health center protestor, and he was recently targeted for investigation only to be acquitted by a jury just a few months ago. None of this stopped George Tiller from his commitment to providing women and their families with compassionate care that others were unwilling to offer.

President Barack Obama released a statement yesterday echoing the thoughts of many in regards to the recent tragedy. “I am shocked and outraged by the murder of Dr. George Tiller as he attended church services this morning,” proclaimed President Obama. “However profound our differences as Americans over difficult issues such as abortion, they cannot be resolved by heinous acts of violence.”

Dr. Tiller was the epitome of high quality medical care underscored by deep compassion for his patients. Planned Parenthood of the Rochester/Syracuse Region wants to emphasize the condolences uttered by Cecile Richards. “His death is an enormous loss for the patients who relied on him, his dedicated staff, the medical community and for women and their families across America.”