Give Yourself a Hand!

Excerpt from the PPRSR monthly queer women's health column, The Vagina Dialogues, published May 2009 in Rochester's The Empty Closet. See the full article here.

May is National Masturbation Month. Yup, there’s a whole month dedicated to getting down with yourself! Like we need an excuse… Unfortunately, many people were taught that masturbation is dirty and bad. Or worse, believe in a “masturbation myth.”

Myth #1: Masturbation is unhealthy. At some point, you probably heard that masturbation makes you blind, makes you infertile, or damages your sex organs. These things aren’t true. But it can be hard to shake the feeling that masturbation is bad for you. Truth is, masturbation is not physically harmful in any way. In fact, it has a number of physical and mental health benefits—here are just a few: Masturbation releases stress and physical tension. Many people masturbate to relax, and it can help some people fall asleep. Masturbation is the most effective kind of safer sex. Solo masturbation puts you at no risk for sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Even mutual masturbation with a partner is close to no-risk if everyone keeps their hands to themselves and doesn’t share sex toys.

Myth #2: Only people who can't "get any" masturbate. I am deeply offended for all you sexy singles out there; I’ve heard this one a lot. Most everyone masturbates, whether single or partnered, hetero or queer, regardless of gender. It’s normal to masturbate and has nothing to do with being lonely, having poor self-esteem, or being unattractive. There’s also the myth that if you are in a committed relationship, you shouldn’t need to masturbate. Here’s the real deal—people who have regular sex partners actually masturbate more often than those who don't. Yup, it’s true. People masturbate when their partners are unavailable, or use masturbation as foreplay, or simply enjoy the act of masturbating. It can actually improve partner sex, because if you are an expert on what turns you on or off, you can communicate that better to a sexual partner.

Myth #3: Women don’t (or aren’t supposed to) masturbate. Some people think that it's normal for men to masturbate, but that women shouldn't. Reality is, our society is more comfortable with men expressing their sexuality than with women, so many girls are taught not to masturbate—or not to admit to doing it—from a very young age. But quite frankly, girls and women do masturbate, and there's no reason they shouldn't. In fact, one study showed that women who masturbate may have better self-esteem than those that don’t.

Myth #4: It's bad to masturbate every day. Some people masturbate every day—or even more than once a day. That's fine. So is there such a thing as "too much" masturbation? According to counselors, it's only when masturbation gets in the way of daily activities — like going to school or work, or meeting friends — that it would be considered "too much." And not many people have that problem. Also, some people worry that masturbating frequently will affect fertility. It doesn't. How often one masturbates is different from person to person. You may masturbate daily, weekly, once a month, once a year, or even less. It’s also normal to not masturbate. Some people do not find it sexually arousing. Others don’t masturbate because they feel guilty about it, not because they don’t find it pleasurable. It can take time and patience to get over guilt or fear about masturbating. Most people find it to be a positive sexual experience once they let go and try it.

If you want more info on masturbating, consult one of these great books: Felice Newman’s, The Whole Lesbian Sex Book, or Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller’s, I Love Female Orgasm. You can get comprehensive masturbation info from Planned Parenthood.

America's Obsession wih Chastity

Jessica Valenti's (super awesome feminist and founder of Feministing.com) new book, called The Purity Myth, delves into the meaning of and the problems with America's obsession with virginity, and attempts to deconstruct the virgin/whore dichotomy.

In this interview for Salon.com, Valenti answers a lot of the questions one might have about her book or her beliefs - the problematic language surrounding virginity (whether virginity even exists in the first place!), Girls Gone Wild, and purity balls, just to name a few.

It's certainly an interesting topic, to say the least. I bought this book at Bluestockings on Sunday, and heard Valenti read parts of it, followed by a question and answer period. To me, it seemed like the gist is that mainstream media tries to blame women's promiscuity on "Girls Gone Wild," etc., but that the deeper issue lies with women being constantly told that their worth is between their legs. To be honest, this is not something I have given a lot of thought to, and I'm not sure I know how these ideas have impacted me.

When I tried to explain the idea of The Purity Myth to my stepdad, he didn't seem to know what I was referring to. I was having trouble articulating myself, eventually gave up and told him to read the book (after I'm done with it!). To me, the virgin/whore dichotomy is everywhere, and I can see what Valenti is referring to, but to someone like my stepdad, it might not be as clear - the only connection he made was "I mean, maybe Madonna."

I'm trying to say that I can't wait to read this book, and further understand "How American's Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women" (to quote the cover). I'm heading to London next week to study abroad, and I plan on devouring this on the plane. Hopefully, I'll be able to better explain the Purity Myth to my stepdad when I get back.

Follow up: Male Birth Control

(I wrote about male hormonal birth control a few weeks ago - check it out here)

So, it looks like male birth control, or "the male jab" has actually surfaced!

First of all, is there any use of the word "jab" that I'm unfamiliar with? Some English usage? A "jab" isn't usually something good - to me, it means pain and discomfort. Not new choices, new freedom, new advancements like "male birth control" ought to conjure.

When I asked my mom what she thought about male BC, she quickly shook her head and said "It'll never fly." Men don't want that responsibility, she said. Since she was in college, she took issue with the way that women have to deal with BC (much like the way I do now!). She doesn't seem to think men would be willing to take on that burden that BC has become. And I'm not sure calling it a "jab" will change their minds.

Anyway, I tend to think any new advancements in BC options are wonderful! And I'm sure that if this catches on and goes viral (no pun intended, ouch), it'll be a viable option for lots of couples. Why not? I still need to think some more about what I said previously - about physical consequences of pregnancy on females rather than males - but it feels good to see some scales tipping for equality of sexual responsibility.

(PS: Happy Mother's Day to my Mommy, who is the best mom in the whole world and whose amazing [feminist] spirit has brought me where I am today. And to all the moms who taught us right from wrong and how not to be sexist, racist or homophobic. Moms are great. Especially mine.)

National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy

Today, May 6, is the eighth annual National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy!

Though teen pregnancy is often discussed in the media in a sensationalistic manner, we rarely have a chance to sit down and have a serious discussion about the causes of teen pregnancy and how the rates of teen pregnancy can be lowered. Among comparable countries, the U.S. has the highest teen pregnancy rate (pdf). That might be shocking to hear, but it's also important to know! Because with rates like that, it's about time to get serious about the issue.

Study after study has shown that comprehensive sex education works, and abstinence-only education fails. Teens who use condoms, of course, are less likely to become pregnant -- and in order to use condoms, teens need to know both how to put them on and how to negotiate condom use with a partner.

Read more at Stand Up South Dakota, and while you're at it, tell Congress to support comprehensive sex education. Because isn't it about time we gave all teens the information they need to keep themselves safe?

(If you're a teen looking for information on how to prevent pregnancy, head on over to Teenwire to find what you need.)