Protecting Your Children From Sexual Assault: Communication is Key!

Written by Theresa Asmus of Rape Crisis Service.

From the moment we come home with our fragile little infant, we parents take the job of protecting our children very seriously. We start with the crib we’ve checked to be sure hasn’t been recalled, we move on to cabinet locks, and before we know it, we’ve got our little ones decked out in a helmet for their first bike ride. As time goes on though, the things we do to keep our kids safe become less tangible. Sadly, there is no gadget we can purchase to keep our kids in happy and healthy relationships and safe from sexual violence. So what can parents do to prevent sexual assault? Lots!

First, we can start teaching our kids about healthy relationships from the time we take them home from the hospital. Children are observant little creatures, and parents serve as the most influential role models from birth. We can treat those around us respectfully, and demonstrate ways to disagree with others and resolve conflicts without resorting to verbal or physical intimidation or abuse. We can make it apparent to our child that respecting others is essential, and assist them in learning to express their feelings and wishes clearly. As our kids grow older, we can seize on teachable moments to get the conversation started. Does the teenage girl across the street come running when her boyfriend comes tearing in the driveway, honking his horn, refusing to come to the door? This is the perfect opportunity to talk with even young children about respect and the ways that people treat you when they truly care for and value you. With older children you can discuss the situation, and brainstorm with them the things that they need from people in order to feel respected, and the things that you know they deserve. Television shows also offer a wealth of teachable moments. Take the opportunity to discuss the relationships being depicted, the gender roles being displayed, and the ways that characters are resolving conflict. This is a much more painless way of discussing relationships that having a big “sit down” when your child starts dating.

As young people begin dating, it is important to make every effort to keep the lines of communication open and remind your kids that you are there to support and protect them. It can be hard to engage teens in conversations about dating, but don’t be afraid to do most of the talking. Continue to seize on the teachable moments you’re presented with. As your child gets older, and their peers begin dating, these teachable moments may hit even closer to home for them than the latest television drama. Sometimes kids who are uncomfortable discussing their relationships with their parents are able to have conversations about what they’ve observed among their peers. Use these conversations to help your child take a critical look at dating and decide what he or she expects from a relationship.

You can also discuss safety with your child. When it comes to sexual assault, our strongest weapon is our instincts. Discuss this with your kids, and let them know that you are there to help them when they’re getting the feeling that things are getting out of hand. Many young people who have been sexually assaulted report that they had a feeling that things were getting out of control, but they didn’t know what to do about it, so we need to be sure that our children know what to do and how we will help them. Would you come pick them up at three in the morning in order to keep them safe, no matter what the circumstances? Make sure your child knows that!

Finally, it is important to insist that the schools and groups that your children attend provide sexual abuse prevention education from a very young age. Children as young as five can learn to identify the common grooming behaviors of sex offenders, and report these behaviors to adults before any abuse is perpetrated. The majority of sex offenses are perpetrated by someone known to the victim, so learning to identify healthy and unhealthy relationships becomes a very effective tool in preventing sexual assault. Because they are starting to consider these things already, adolescent children are in a very good position for this kind of learning. Rape Crisis Service offers evidence-based sexual abuse prevention programs to children as young as five, free of charge. Information about prevention programming or other services provided by Rape Crisis Service can be obtained by calling Theresa Asmus at 344-0516 ext. 111.

Is your doctor answering your birth control questions?

When I first became sexually active, I had already learned about many of the different types of birth control in my high school health class. I went to my gynecologist to ask her about contraceptives, and the only one that I was presented with then was the pill. The rest were dismissed with a wave. Over the next few years, I remained on the pill, sometimes not getting the pack on time at school, or forgetting to take a pill or two. I’ve been fed up with a daily pill since I started taking them. While it may work for some people, it’s clear that it was not the best option for me.

I’ve always wished that I could get a different form of contraception. Now that I’ve been working at Planned Parenthood for a whopping two weeks, I’ve decided to go back to my gynecologist to discuss the options I've learned about. Hopefully, she’ll be more receptive to the idea of an IUD or Implanon .

I also hope that my insurance will cover it. My particular insurance company is very elusive when it comes to what it covers with respect to birth control and contraception. I’ve been looking online for answers to this issue, and can’t seem to find any answers. If my insurance doesn’t cover the more expensive forms, I’ll use more of the knowledge I’ve gained about family planning insurance from my short time at Planned Parenthood. There’s an option called the Family Planning Benefit Program which can cover teens and young adults, so that confidentiality is maintained, and nothing is sent home. Often, it covers young New York State residents fully over a few years. Planned Parenthood offers counseling and assistance in getting into this program, too, for those like me who are very confused by insurance and New York systems.

I know where my life will be if I don’t ask for a more permanent and less daily form of birth control, and I don’t like that reality. Even when patients do not mention an ad that they have seen or birth control education that they’ve received, doctors should be aware that information about birth control, other than the Pill, is in the patients’ heads, and pre-empt questions that the patients may have. Going over options on a personal level can make a huge difference in the decisions made about birth control. For tips and training on how to talk to patients about contraceptive options, check out the Association of Reproductive Health Professionals. If you’re a patient, Planned Parenthood health centers can help fill you in on birth control and insurance options or call 1-866-600-6886 to learn more.

Anime, Gamers and Choice

Here is my first blog entry. I hope people can read the emotions I had when writing it. Being able to connect with people on these issues is important to me, and my recent experience in Chicago reminded me about all the good we can do when we do something as simple as talking to each other.
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Since last fall, I’ve been volunteering in Public Affairs at Planned Parenthood of the Rochester/Syracuse Region. I also am involved in the gaming community. This means I enjoy playing board, card, role playing and computer games.

Every year I take a week off from my normal life and work at Anime Central, an anime and game convention held in Chicago. Anime is the term for Japanese cartoons, and many people are unaware that this genre has entertainment value for all age groups. Anime Central is a four-day annual convention where fans can share and celebrate anime and Japanese culture, in general. During the convention, I am the Nightshift Supervisor for the Table Top Gaming Department, running the game rooms overnight from midnight to 8 AM and whenever else they need me throughout the weekend!

This year I had the unique experience of talking to my peers from all across the country about Planned Parenthood and reproductive health. These people are my friends. But, I only see them face-to-face once a year, so I didn’t want to alienate any of them right off the bat by starting out with “I work at Planned Parenthood!” When we got to talking about what we had been doing since the last Convention, I brought up that I had started volunteering at Planned Parenthood.

Being nervous about how people would react, I was happy it went really well. Because I am disabled (my entire Anime Central department knows this), they realized that for me to be able to get out and do some work was a good thing.

With that opening the conversation, I felt comfortable talking about what I do and why it is important to me. I found most of my coworkers either used Planned Parenthood’s services or knew someone that did!

The Anime convention pulls people from all over the country, so in my department we had people from New York (me), Illinois, Michigan, Texas, Florida and Ohio (and most of them are men.) Once the conversation started, everyone wanted to tell me their stance on the ideas and ideals Planned Parenthood strives for. I heard many personal stories from my co-workers about how Planned Parenthood had changed their lives. There are only three women are in the Gaming department of twenty staff, so many of the stories were about someone's girlfriend getting birth control, condoms, or a female friend getting “in trouble” and Planned Parenthood helping them.

The women had more personal stories: going to Planned Parenthood for their first birth control; and using the services after college but before they were able to get insurance through workplaces.

The last conversation I had was after the convention had closed down, packed up and the staff was blowing off the steam that dealing with almost 20,000 people for four days can accumulate. It was then a friend from another department, whose life has been pretty rough, shared that she had to have an abortion and she was able to get care through her local Planned Parenthood office.

During this conversation my friend was very frank about her life, what she had to do and was unapologetic about it all. She also seemed pleased that she could talk to someone without feeling blamed or getting false sympathy.

Her story was the one that meant the most to me: from learning that her first sexual experience was an attempted rape when she was a child to how she lives her life now. It touched me and reminded me that the work we do at Planned Parenthood has lasting impacts on the lives of our patients and on the world around us.

Just how effective is the rhythm method?

Natural family planning is different from the rhythm method, and it is not just guessing about when ovulation will occur. The natural family planning method requires a woman to monitor her body temperature every day of every month and matching it to a chart to determine when she is ovulating and then avoid intercourse during that time. And that's just the easiest way to do it. To really ensure that ovulation is occurring when predicted, the woman should also be comparing her cervical mucus viscosity (stickiness), to viscosity and temperature charts daily. In order to get the 75-87% effectiveness that Planned Parenthood predicts, the methods must be used correctly and consistently. This number drops considerably when only one measurement is used or the couple isn't really diligent about following the woman's temperature or cervical mucus.

The CDC just released results of a survey that said that more teens have been using the rhythm method--up 11% since 2002. If these teens are using the rhythm method IN ADDITION TO OTHER FORMS OF BIRTH CONTROL, that's great! Avoiding the most fertile times of the month, even when using condoms or other barrier methods is a great way to avoid pregnancy. However, if these young women are not measuring their body temperature and/or cervical mucus every day, but instead are just "guesstimating" when their most fertile period is, then this method is not really giving them the effectiveness they might be assuming. Many people confuse the rhythm method and natural family planning, which may lead to false assumptions about effectiveness as preventing pregnancy. Natural family planning takes a lot of work and knowledge about to be effective. If also will not protect partners from STI transmission.

All things considered, there are many options that are easier to use and are much more effective. Birth control pills take the ovulation out of the equation for you, so you don't have to measure any fertile period, and condoms both protect against fertilization and STIs when used correctly. Taking a pill every day is much less of a hassle than recording your body temp and cervical mucus data and comparing it to a chart. You can get condoms for free at any Planned Parenthood health center. Make sure to follow the directions!! They don't have to be a burden in the bedroom, either. If you think a condom as protecting yourself and your partner, and both of you help in the application process, condoms can be a pretty sexy addition to foreplay!